My Article Problem. And Yours.

English is a strange language in so many ways. Spelling, of course. Tenses – weird. Pronunciation – unfathomable.

But some of the bewildering things that we native speakers rarely think about are articles. I am talking about the definite and indefinite kind.  Those little words “the” and “a,” the latter of which is sometimes “an.” Wha?

Now admittedly (and thankfully) our articles don’t have gender as they do in say, German.  What a morass that would be today! It’s confusing enough that our pronouns have gender. But I digress.

Here is what I am talking about.

In a restaurant we say, “I’ll have the salmon” when what we mean is I’ll have a salmon (from the presumably many in the kitchen.) It should be indefinite but we use the definite.

But then we say, I’ll have a glass of red wine or I’ll have a(n) IPA. Seems correct but also inconsistent.

Americans say, “Sally is in the hospital.” (speedy recovery, Sally!), which seems right since he, she, they (I don’t know what pronouns Sally prefers) is in a particular hospital. But the Brits say, “Sally is in hospital.” dropping the article entirely. But only in the case of hospital. They don’t say, “Nigel is in coffee shop.”

In New York City the four of the Boroughs are always referenced without articles as one might expect for place names. “I was born in Queens.” But my mother was born in the Bronx.

You may have never noticed this, but Apple has strict rules for its executives about how they use articles with regard to certain products at events or when speaking in public. At the annual September event where they roll out new products, Tim Cook will say, “Now let’s talk about iPhone.” or “We want to announce some exciting changes to Apple Watch.” But Tim will say “We have some incredible updates to the Mac.” They even had an event themed, “Back to the Mac” a few years ago.

How about, “Translated from the Russian.” As if “Translated from Russian” would be unclear exactly which Russian you meant?

I bet you can come up with some more examples. I don’t know what to make of this articular jumble. I am just a humble English lit major. The nuances and subtleties of grammar are above my pay grade. My task is simply to show these peculiarities to you. Now that I have, you will never be able to not notice them.

You’re welcome.

Maximizing Minimalism

The idea of minimalism has always appealed to me in concept. The idea of making due with just the few essential items that one needs or wants and nothing more is quite attractive. I have gone through multiple bouts of organizing and decluttering, and though I am fairly well organized and have (mostly) avoided hoarding old newspapers and such, I still have a lot of material accumulation. I am not talking about valuable paintings or a garage full of classic cars, but more sentimental items that I can’t bring myself to get rid of, or backup parts for things that might get lost or need to be replaced but probably won’t. 

For example, a few years ago one of the little rubber feet for my stand mixer went missing, causing the mixer to wobble back and forth on the counter like a table in a cheap bistro. I could only find a full set of five available for purchase and though they were not expensive, I still have four left sitting in a drawer against an unlikely future in which I lose another of those feet. You know as well as I that as long as I have those spare parts, the feet are secure. The moment I throw them out, one will disappear. Of course, Marie Kondo says toss ‘em; they don’t ‘spark joy’. “If you need another, buy it again,” but my frugal side won’t permit this. 

So I have come to enjoy what I think of as short-term minimalism in the form of travel. In 1986, Barbara and I hopped on board a People Express flight ($99 D.C. to Brussels) and began a 16-month trip around the world with just a backpack each. Inside were all the clothes we would need for every kind of weather, sleeping bags and pads, a tent, a cook stove, and a set of pots. This kit took us from the sweltering heat of the Negev Desert to below freezing temperatures at the top of Mt. Kenya. 

More recently, I have been determined to never fly anywhere regardless of how long a trip with more than will fit in an overhead bin. I’ve spent a month in Israel with a carry-on bag. 

Now, as Barbara wraps up her final months of regular employment, we are beginning to prepare for the ultimate road trip and the question of exactly what we should, what we can, take with us is at the fore. 

In case you missed it, back in the summer of 2020, we were shopping for a camping solution. My old bones do not enjoy sleeping on the ground as much as they once did. Truth be told, they never enjoyed it all that much. We looked at tiny teardrop campers, Casitas, truck slide-ins, and even old VW Hippie Vans. None seemed quite right for us. We didn’t want to tow something and my conscience won’t allow me to drive something that has horrible fuel economy, even when, at the time, gas was around $2.25 a gallon. (Our Honda Civic gets 45 mpg on the highway.)

As we were preparing to drive home from a long visit with the kids in Colorado, we stopped to check out the work of a guy we’d found who converts Toyota Sienna minivans into Campers. He calls his company Oasis Campervans. One look and we knew we had found our solution. We drove home, bought a used Sienna and drove back to Colorado. Three weeks later we had our camper. 

You probably know what a Toyota Sienna is, maybe you even have/had one. It is the classic soccer mom car. But though it is roomy for a car, as an RV it is, well, compact. Our has room for us to lie down at night and for the two of us to sit at a tiny table when in ‘day mode.’ Under the rear hatch there is a ‘kitchen,’ though for safety we have to move the stove out to a table to cook. But, our ‘RV’ drives like a car, parks like a car, and it gets 27 mpg on the highway. Not as good as the Civic but also not shameful. 

So far, we have traveled the length of New York State (with Barbara on a bicycle and me following along) and to Maine and back. This summer we are planning to go a little further afield by driving to Alaska. 

Yes, it’s really far. 

The distance and the length of time we will be on the road, means we need to be very thoughtful about what we bring. We have limited space and we just can’t bring it all. Decisions must be made and many of these go to the heart of my identity. 

For example, I have decided that we will leave behind the handblown glass Chemex Coffee brewer with which I prepare my coffee every morning, replacing it with a folding silicon pour-over filter holder that can make coffee directly into an insulated bottle. Less clear is whether I can survive without a coffee grinder, and drink pre-ground coffee for the duration. It would save precious space, but pre-ground coffee? Yikes! And is it even possible to make coffee without a kitchen scale? 

And those are just the issues around coffee! Still in question is the exact make-up of the rest of our batterie de cuisine. Should we bring the cast iron skillet AND the stainless-steel pan or just one of the two? Can we manage without a whisk? How many saucepans are required? What spices are essential and what can we live without. How much Diamond Crystal Salt is enough? 

Clothes present similar questions. The number of changes of underwear determine the days one can go without finding a laundromat. But the more changes of clothing, the more space they take. We need clothes for all weather. Alaska is wet and even in the summer it can be cold. We also need bulky items like hiking boots, rain gear, day packs and, of course, assorted computers, iPads and various technology. Room must also be found for bedding, pillows, lanterns, fuel for the stove, and a reasonable amount of reading material.

I actually love this process. I have often said that my favorite parts of travel are packing the van before the trip and unpacking it when we get home. I am joking, of course. Somewhat. I think I am not alone in the joy I feel arriving home after a long trip. But there is something challenging, even exciting, about the process of considering what you really need and what you can do without. Each item is carefully considered. Is there something smaller that can replace it? 

Of course, we can buy anything we need on the road but to me, buying something, even something inexpensive, that we already had but left at home represents a kind of failure, even if it is just a bottle of aspirin. I wasn’t as prepared as I should/could have been.

A friend who once owned a Sienna but no longer does offered me the old roof carrier still inhabiting his garage. It is tempting. We would be able to fill it with all kinds of items that we might need. It would dramatically expand the room for ‘just in case.’ But I am trying to avoid this. A roof carrier would no doubt lower our gas mileage a bit and feels like something of a cop out. It would also slightly detract from our stealth as a campervan. 

Departure is still more than a month away and there are still many weeks to whittle away at the supplies to pack and unpack many times to see exactly where each item should go. 

Travel is the best of both worlds. It’s an opportunity to rough it. A chance to understand what possessions are most essential to your comfort and happiness, all the while knowing you will eventually return home where all your spare parts live, where you never have to commit to just one skillet, and where your coffee will always be ground just before brewing.  

Knives out. Cut Loose.

Most everyone has their own vision of retirement, financial independence, or whatever you want to call waking up and not having to rush to work. Mostly comes down to this: owning your time day after day, week in and week out. Not having to trade your autonomy in exchange for food, clothing, shelter, and Starbucks. 

So - how to use that time when it is solely one’s own? Many of my hours are spent writing these pieces, helping maintain the household (shopping for groceries, cooking, fixing stuff that breaks), and taking long walks near home or on nearby trails. These make up my ‘work’ now. But there also is more time for leisure than heretofore. For me, leisure means reading, listening to music, and enjoying the occasional movie or TV series. Here are a few things that I can recommend. 

What I am reading.

Back when I was in college, I worked summers to help pay tuition. I worked mostly in restaurants bussing or waiting tables. If I had met Anthony Bourdain in one of the restaurants where I worked, I probably wouldn’t have liked him much. I tended to disapprove of colleagues who used drugs on the job, shouted profanity at the other staff (especially me), or who threw things at servers in the kitchen. By his own admission, Bourdain did all these in his time as a line cook and executive chef before he became a famous food writer and travel show host. 

But I met him as a reader of his breakthrough memoir, Kitchen Confidential, which I read for the first time around 2001. Bourdain was a talented writer and not only is the book laugh out loud funny, it changed the way I cook perhaps more profoundly than anything else I have ever read. I am rereading the book now and reflecting on the ways in which he influenced me. Three things stand out.

Blade. Bourdain’s take on the importance of the kitchen knife inspired me to buy a better knife, learn how to sharpen it myself, and to learn to use it in such a way that I wouldn’t cut my fingers off. I am still on the journey. In the 20 years since I first read Bourdain’s book, I have  obtained a number of chef’s knives each time getting a little closer to perfection. I have bought at least five different sharpening systems before finally learning to hand sharpen my trusty bit of steel on Japanese made whetstones which range from 400 to 5000 grit and a leather strop to polish the edge. I can now achieve an edge on my kitchen knives that will push through paper with just their own weight or shave arm hair, but I still keep trying to get them sharper. A sharp knife is a joy to cook with and far safer than a dull one. If you don’t know why, you don’t cook.

Ingredients. Bourdain taught me to disdain shortcuts that diminish the quality of the end product. An example of this is garlic that is pre-chopped and sold in a jar swimming in oil. As YouTube Wünderkind Adam Ragusea and others have demonstrated, there is no substitute for fresh garlic. As Bourdain says, “You don’t want to peel garlic? You don’t deserve to eat garlic.”

Butter. Technically an ingredient but deserves a separate callout. Bourdain is hardly alone here. Julia Child, Jacques Pepin, and most everyone agree: there is little that can’t be improved with butter. And a small amount goes a long way in terms of flavor. Pitch the Smart Balance (you know who you are, mom, dad). I don’t know what that stuff is, but it’s not food. 

Find a knife you love. Learn to keep it sharp. Chop some garlic and mash it into butter. Bake it in some nice bread. Mr. Bourdain, with his particular and distinct voice, taught us that yes, life can be this simple.

I wish I’d had the chance to have him throw something at me after all. 

What I am watching. 

If you have access to Apple TV+, try the new series, Severance. This darkly humous take on “work/life balance” is part science fiction and part Orwellian dystopia. It reminds me of several places I have worked. Lumon, the fictional company at the center of the series, has developed a technology that allows workers to completely separate their work life from their personal life. Office workers voluntarily undergo a procedure called severance in which a chip is inserted into their brain. From that point on, their memories are bifurcated. While at work, they can remember nothing of their personal lives. When outside of work, they recall nothing that happened there.  The work personalities are called “innies” and the outside personalities are “outties.” Why would someone agree to have this done? Mark Scout, lead character played by Adam Scott, lost his wife in a car accident. Severance offers him the chance to completely immerse himself into his work every day and not have to think about his loss. The other characters have their own reasons. One can’t help but reflect on the place in our lives that work fills. How it can distract us from the pain of living. How it intrudes on or contributes to our happiness and how much or little it is central to our identities. 

How often have we heard that we should leave our personal lives at home when we go into work or been told the corollary, “Get your love at home.” The advent of email, text, and portable technology has meant that work and personal life have been bleeding together for decades. And pandemic life has accelerated the trend this by eliminating even the geographical line between work and home. Severance asks us to consider if there should be a psychological line and where exactly and how firm a line it should be. It also seeks to answer the question, “Hey kids, what’s for dinner?”

What I am listening to.

When I am at home or driving, I usually stream either WRUR Rochester or WXPN Philadelphia. Both are public radio stations that play a lot of interesting and diverse music. It was on WXPN that I recently heard a track from the OG Rapper MC Lyte. She was big in the 1980 and 90s. I like rap, but embarrassingly, I was not familiar with her. The song I heard was “Cha Cha Cha” from the 1989 album, Eyes on This. I downloaded the whole album on Apple Music and have been loving it. 

Here is a sample of lyrics from “I Am The Lyte.”

“I just thought that I should mention 
'89 is the Lyte year 
Now's the time to roll like a rhinoceros 
Step to Lyte, that's preposterous

I'm heavyweight, though I'm lightweight 
My looks the hook, my rhymes the bait 
And when I throw the line you proceed to take 
The goody, the treat that I hand you

That you couldn't refuse 
Damn, I cram to understand you 
Your love is to Lyte to lose.”

Check out this video of her performing at the White House on January 10, 2016 for President Barack Obama, the last commander-in-chief who didn’t need to be told to clap on the back beat. 

As different as can be is the other album I am enjoying. It’s an album of Bob Dylan covers sung by Emma Swift titled, Blonde on the Tracks. Even if you (as I do) consider Bob Dylan to be the greatest American songwriter who ever lived, it is not out of the question that you might occasionally weary of his voice, particularly in its more recent manifestations. If so, this album may be for you with its fresh and melodious takes on Dylan from classics like “Simple Twist of Fate” to the more recent, “I Contain Multitudes.” Swift’s simple interpretations allow one to focus on the genius of the songwriter without the irritation of having to defend Mr. Zimmerman’s vocal stylings to family and friends. I only wish she had recorded twice as many songs.   “Going Going Gone” is particularly lovely. For totally different take on Dylan try also, Bettye LeVette’s album, Things Have Changed. Like the Swift album, LeVette also ends with “Going Going Gone.”

It makes sense. 

“I been hangin' on threads 
I been playin' it straight 
Now, I've just got to cut loose 
Before it gets late 
So I'm going 
I'm going 
I'm gone.”

Me too.